im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
