sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
