dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
