No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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