I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We were destined to go to rehab together
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
