I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
