do herpes really smell.
Dignity is for republicans.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
