Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Found the puke drawer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
