I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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