So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
