you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
