I think my fart just growled at me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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