You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
