I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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