I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No...this little piggys going to the bar
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
