A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
