he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
