Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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