I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
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