Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
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