??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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