Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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