why didn't you poke me back
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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