This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
