: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
