Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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