Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
