Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
