Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
