i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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