I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
