I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
