im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
