I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
