Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize