Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
