In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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