You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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