You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
