I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My cat gives me a boner
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
