if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
