i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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