Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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