i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
