I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
