Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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