This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
