I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
