Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
