Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
