I hope mine doesn't look like that
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
