I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
