Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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