it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize