That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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