why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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