Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I can text with my tongue
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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