It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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