You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
