apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
