Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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