I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will be naked everywhere
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
