i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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