if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize