Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
