I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
