yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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