I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
