you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
