dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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