I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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