I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are we in a gay sports bar?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
